A Night of Too Many Thoughts

I watched one of our Tivo'd shows: Children and Autism: Talk Brain (weird title) and ended up feeling depressed all over again. I come out of these shows/talks/books convinced we're not doing enough to help John and Sam and in complete despair over ever being able to afford the "20-40 hour home ABA program" that seems to be recommended by every expert. That, contrasted with others (specifically the professionals currently in our life) who believe that we shouldn't overload them with too much — "they're only two." (I want to know: what is this early intervention window for if not for doing as much as possible, um, early?)

Ten Other Things Stressing Me Out:
1. My work has slowed, which means I'm even more neurotic than usual AND I have too much time to dwell on the above. (will I ever work again? can we even do a home ABA program if we don't have a home?)

2. Hubbie and I have not had a date night in months. (and we could definitely use it)

3. My allegiance to a weight loss program keeps faltering. (usually around 10 p.m. with a pint of ice cream)

4. My roots are 3" long and my hair is a mess. (sigh)

5. Our appeal to the insurance company is, alas, not writing itself like I had hoped. (although I did actually start it and do furtive updates and additional research when J&S are napping)

6. J&S are not napping. (aargh...)

7. I have mountains of too-small baby clothing that I still need to tag for upcoming Twins Sale (no, not selling the twins—just baby stuff)

8. Box of photos from birth and beyond is overflowing. (still have not organized, scrapbooked, or otherwise spent enough time stressing upon)

9. Pile of still-to-be-read books on autism next to side of bed is dusty. (somehow all the fluff 'zines get my attention at bedtime instead)

10. This list.

My Love Affair with Tivo

Tivo might just be the best invention ever. You know how you can have Tivo recommend programs based on your viewing habits? (We turned that option off after one too many Fear Factors were recorded - we blame our reality TV addiction), but a few months ago I created a WishList with the keyword of Autism, and lo and behold: this morning I woke up to a recorded show and saw two more upcoming on our To Do list. Gotta love that. For example: on Sun., 10/15, Jon Stewart is hosting some benefit for autism charities on the Comedy Channel. And the next night, at midnight!, on a show I've never even seen (The Shield), the main character finds out his son has autism. Whoa.

It's nice to know that, with my life as busy at it is, that our scary smart Tivo is picking up the TV viewing slack. Truth be told, I don't know what we did without it. Besides having an essential crop of shows to choose from for the younger set (Sesame Street, Little Einsteins, The Wiggles); the grownups also get to have a smorgasbord of treats too: Greys Anatomy, Lost, Survivor — along with a couple of promising new ones (Heroes, Studio 60, Ugly Betty). And if we're too tired to watch for several days — no pressure — they're all there, saved for when we're ready. What a great Tivo pal. And like a good friend, always there to offer a bit of levity and distraction for its tired and lately-too-serious owners.

Oh, and we have two.
(Scary...)

Harness Buddies

Over the weekend, we braved the stares of the masses as we tried out our new bear and dog Harness Buddies at the Aquarium.


I found them on amazon several months ago, quickly ordered two, and then promptly did not use them. While I could say that I pride myself on not caring what others think, I have been hesitant to deal with the arched eyebrows of strangers, or even (god forbid) a comment or two. But in the end, faced with the enormity of taking two 2-year-olds to a crowded aquarium whose basic instinct is to each run in the opposite direction of the other, I caved.

This is what happened: I had John, hubbie had Sam, and we were off! I was certain that I had the harder challenge — J. is a wanderer and he lacks a sense of danger. If we are at the playground, for example, he will routinely escape from me, choosing to gaze up at the tall lamp posts outside rather than go down the slide. S. is the opposite — always aware of where we are, always seeking our approval and attention.

So I was quite surprised when John reached for my hand. He preferred to race up and down the aquarium levels with me — didn't much care for the freedom of taking off solo. In contrast, the picture of my 6'5" hubbie being pulled along by Sam was priceless and remarkable for his obliviousness to us both. Did we stop to look at any fish? Yes, but not often. They were both much more interested in the ambience: the dark lit up eerily by the blue and purple strobe lights; the surprise of a diver in the tank, blowing bubbles out his mask while feeding the fish; their own reflections in the tank windows.

The truth is, there were a lot of stares. But much like a shark moving deliberately through the sea (think "Jaws"), I looked straight ahead and dared comments. I had my whole script at the ready, I wanted to use some of my gems: Oh, do you have twins? Do they have autism? but I didn't get the chance. The only plaintive plea: "Where can I get one?"